Table By the Door

I wonder when I'll stop being selfish. I mean really stop being selfish. Sometimes I walk around fooling myself into thinking I'm a giving person. That I'm the opposite of selfish. But that's a lie. I'm completely self-absorbed. I know there's the argument that everyone is self-absorbed and it's just life and it's just the way it is. But I don't like anything to be just the way it is. Like today, when I went to lunch with Ryan. Sweet, adorable, perfect Ryan who is probably the most unselfish person I know. Maybe this is why I'm marrying him - I'm drawn to his attention on me. (selfish alert) We went to Wild Noodles for lunch - home of the rampantly wild flavors. We ordered Mac and Cheese and then had to sit at the only available table...by the door. The weather in Tennessee lately has been as unprecdictable as my mood swings. And today at lunch (not this morning nor tonight because that was and will be much different than at lunch) the weather was blistery. Or maybe blistering....or blister..I don't know. It was cold and windy. And we had to sit at the only available table....by the door. I kept looking at all the other tables wondering when we could move to one. I kept eyeballing people's meals wondering when they would get up so I could move to their warm table in the back - by the ovens. I kept ignoring the man I love because I had a chill. Sweet, adorable, perfect Ryan who is probably the most unselfish person I know - was focused on me.
I realized my shortcomings shortly after we sat down and decided to focus on someone else for a moment. For a change. And we had a lingering lunch filled with love and promise and smiles. (I'm not intentionally being Hallmark-ish, that last sentence is actually true.) As we were leaving, I realized that I wasn't cold once I stopped focusing on myself. That the table by the door didn't matter.