Friday, November 30, 2007

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Why, you ask?

-Cookies become a suitable option for breakfast
-Lights! Lights! Lights!
-Finding the perfect ornament
-Shopping for friends and family
-Shopping for friends and family and finding the perfect thing
-Normally grumpy people suddenly decorating their offices and drinking from Christmas mugs
-Remembering that God came to earth in the most vulnerable way...just for us
-75% off
-Watching Elf and Home Alone and Clark Griswold and A Christmas Story
-Singing Jingle Bells in the car.......loud
-Babies in Santa hats
-Rotating Christmas trees
-Buying eggnog in bulk
-Christmas Bunco
-Two weeks off from work

Thursday, November 29, 2007

30 Rock

"I once had a rule about no sex with Asians. But then one day you walk into Sharper Image and there's Kwan."

Oh Jenna, I love you so.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Like It, Love It, Gotta Have It


Please raise your hand if you saw yesterday's Oprah starring the House of Hoard.

Keep it raised if you also saw today's Part Two: The Hoarder's Warehouse of Pain.

Keep it raised if more than four times you gasped in horror and hit rewind and then gasped louder and almost choked from all the gasped air.

Keep it raised if you, at least once, thought "Could that possibly ever happen to me?" I mean, this poor woman would just shop every single day and create piles and piles of ridiculous things that she could never possibly use or need. She couldn't even enter certain rooms of her house! Things were piled to the ceiling! The stuff!!!

But ya'll, keep that hand raised up high if after the episode you thought about that poor crazy woman and her poor crazy shopping insanity... and then you thought about that Santa Claus toilet seat cover you bought today for your guest bathroom. And then you felt the icy shiver of foreshadowing creeping up your spine.

Oh Tivo, sometimes you make me happier than free movie passes. Sometimes you just drain the blood from my arm.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My Hidden Crazy

Sometimes I wonder if my family is secretly from the North Pole because of our love of all things Christmas. And ya'll, we love us some Christmas. Half the reason we vacation in the Smokey Mountains is because we love going to The Christmas Place. More than once. In the same day. With their rooms and rooms and rooms of anything your Santa Baby could ever hope to find. We love Christmas cookies and Christmas stories and Christmas carols and the Christmas story and the Baby Jesus. And chestnuts roasting on an open fire. And chasing squirrels around the Griswald house. And Kevin ordering a cheese pizza, you filthy animal.

And boy oh boy, do we love to decorate. My parents have four Christmas trees including one that rotates...all the way around. We are very serious about our trees and our lights and our Christmas dishes.

In fact.

Today is November 14th and my house is already decked out. Top to bottom. We're drinking from Snowman glasses and watching Tivo by twinkle lights. We've got both trees set up on a remote control. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. Minnie's even tried on her reindeer costume.

But here's the thing. Since it's November 14th, we have only expoded ornaments on the inside of Illingworth Manor. The neighbors are not aware that we have visions of sugarplums dancing in our heads. We know better.

But my brother Drew and his lovely wife Kellie....they are not so smart. They have gone and lit up the entire neighborhood with their holiday display. They live in a new neighborhood that doesn't have street lights yet but it doesn't matter - Harris Manor is a beacon in the night. Apparently they don't know! They don't know that you aren't supposed to show your crazy! I mean, a couple wreaths in the window would be one thing - but Drew made a runway out of lights that says Santa! Stop! Here! And it's only November 14th!

Yup, he's my brother.

And he reads this website. Maybe he'll send us all a photo to enjoy? I mean, if you're going to show your crazy...SHOW IT PROUD!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Couple Things

-Last night I hosted Boo Bunco at Illingworth Manor. Halloween parties in November rule. Uh-huh.

-Pushing Daises is not on tonight due to the Country Music Industry congratulating themselves. Boo.

-This weekend I went to Birmingham with 40 of my co-workers. On a bus. For staff retreat. And on the way the bus broke down. In the middle of the night. On the side of the road in the middle of nowhere in the FREEZING cold. With 40 of my co-workers. We got home at 5:30. In the morning.

-My sister-in-law Kellie just informed me that she already started decorating her house for Christmas. She BEAT me. I've got to step up my game. To get Ryan on board with the decorating I must woo him with eggnog. That dude is a fool for eggnog.

-Have you heard about Special K Chocolatey Delight? Because I might marry it. FOR LIFE.

-I hate getting the oil changed in my car. Hate.

-Today I heard a dirty dirty vicious rumor that if this writer's strike does not cease and desist this instant, the new season of Lost might be postponed until February 2009. If that scenario actually plays out I think we all know what will happen to me. I. Will. Die.