Fat

Last night Ryan and I went to Cracker Barrel for dinner - YUM! Before our meals came, while we were devouring their heavenly homemade biscuits that were sent straight from God, we started discussing weight. Ryan proclaimed that he's fat, and he needs to do something about it. I shrieked that he is indeed NOT fat - and on the contrary I think he's sexy and devastatingly handsome. Indeed, I want to kiss him constantly. He went on to explain that I was wrong and he was right and he's fat and needs to do something about it. I argued. He persisted. I then said, "well if you think you are fat, then you think I am fat." His eyes widened as he shook his head no and attempted to speak. I, of course, interrupted him. "I'm not saying I'm fat, but you say that you think I'm skinny and sexy - when the truth is I probably outweigh you by at least ten pounds. So for you to say that I'm skinny - and then say that you are fat - is simply wrong." Then we started shouting at each other (in the Cracker Barrel, surrounded by camoflouge and senior citizen discounts) something like this:
R: That is ridiculous! You are HOT!
J: Then you can't say you are fat! YOU are HOT!
R: SHUT-UP - YOU ARE SKINNY AND GORGEOUS AND SO HOT!
J: SHUT-UP - I WANT TO KISS YOU NON-STOP BECAUSE YOU ARE SO HOT AND NON-FAT
R: DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A BET?
J: YES I DO!
(then we shook hands to seal the bet on who is fatter)
R: I AM FAT
J: NO I AM FAT
R: NO!
J: NO!
R: NO!
J: NO!
At that moment, the waiter brought our meals. Our large, large meals. We sat in silence as he kept putting more and more dishes on the table. We had to scoot things down to make room. We had to push back from the table to make all the side items fit. People started to stare. When he was finally done unloading his extra-large tray, the kind waiter said "will there be anything else?". Ryan and I stared at each like scared rabbitts and mumbled "no, that's all...thanks....".
Then we ROARED laughing.
Then we ate all the food on the table.