Marriage Try-Outs

Ok, so I know it’s the cool thing these days to get pre-marital counseling. At least that’s what every single solitary person in my life (as well as the cashier at Publix) is telling me. “Have you started pre-counseling yet????”, like it’s an underlying public fear that Ryan and I are getting married soley based on his cuteness. (…and he IS so cute!) I’ve asked several of these concerned friends what exactly makes pre-marital counseling so darn non-negotiable. (Note: I’m not against pre-marital counseling, I’m actually for it. I just want to know why everyone gets thrown into a sudden panic about it, like not doing it would cause fire to rain down from heaven and our first child to be a delinquent by age 7.) They all tell me the same thing – it’s to open the lines of communication. People, I was born to communicate. I’ve made Ryan talk about his fears, his finances, his expectations, his past relationships and his favorite brand of macaroni and cheese. And it goes without saying that I’ve been babbling my issues to him since minute one. We’ve covered all the major issues as well as the minor ones. As well as some issues that I made up just so we could keep talking. To me, we’ve been pre-marital counseling each other since our first date when we talked for hours and hours and never got bored. But, getting pre-marital counseling would help our parents and Bell from Publix sleep better at night – so off we go.
Most couples choose to get their pre-wedding wisdom from the pastor who is going to marry them. Sorry…I’m not going to talk about sex with Ryan…WITH MY DAD. Therefore, we needed to find someone else suitable to discuss the “marriage bed” and other such you-have-to-talk-about-this-before-you-get-married-or-else topics. I emailed my pastor, who is cool and 30, to get advice about it. He directed us to Pastor Tom, the staff member that handles the counseling department. Upon hearing this I thought “WHO? Pastor TOM? ANNOYING TOM? Pastor Tom who is loud and tells lame jokes and talks over you so that all you can get out is ‘but I’ and ‘you mean’ or ‘yes but’ and did I mention he’s annoying?” I immediately decided this would not do. However, Ryan Friend-of-All-Nicest-Guy-In-the-World thought it would do us good and set up an appointment.
Did I mention that Annoying Tom is annoying?
Did I mention that Annoying Tom drives me crazy?
Did I mention that Annoying Tom’s wife is a sex therapist?
Did I mention that Annoying Tom and his family were on DR.PHIL a few weeks ago on an episode entitled “weird families”? Tom’s family made it onto the show because they are SO OPEN ABOUT SEX.