Saturday, September 29, 2007

Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Pro Am Race For The Cure

-Michael hitting Meredith with his car and giving her a "pelvical fracture"
-"I'm sorry, WHAT IS we're fine."
-"There's a fungal cream because she has an infection under her tail."
-"I love my employees, even though I hit one of them with my car."
-Michael giving Meredith a full body hug on the hospital bed so she'll forgive him in front of everyone
-"She's in a better place. And that place is your freezer."
-"I'm not superstitious. I'm just a littlestitious."
-"Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat."
-"With the electricity that we're using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what's unethical"
-PB&J's kiss
-"I'm petrified of nipple chaffing."
-"Just a couple of kittens out on the town."
-"All my bags of frozen fries had been clawed to shreds."
-"I didn't see where it started but I did see where it ended."
-"Myth: Three Americans die every year from rabies. Fact: Four Americans die every year from rabies."
-"It is the silent killer. No, it is the foaming, barking killer."
-"Oh hey, very cool you went back and got your degree!"
-The check made out to science.
-Dwight shooting a real gun.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Dreamboat Cometh

Finally, today is the day.

And this weekend I plan to write a re-cap of all the new/returning shows of this week. Excited?

Monday, September 24, 2007

How To Find Me

Recent Google searches that have led people to my door, as it were.

-No underwear
-catamaran from Jaws
-human sparkler
-cement ducks
-school square pizza
-hurts when blink
-clear suitcase
-toe throbbing
-deodorize birkenstock
-rapturous love
-cymbal flips
-halloween bunco

Is this an overall summary of my blog? I'm accident prone, forget my underwear (not true!), scared of sharks, and love to eat while playing the drums and bunco and dressing my duck?

Well, yeah.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

The One Where I Realize That Impulse Coloring is Still Not A Good Idea

Well I’ve gone and done it again.

I’m not what you’d call a girly girl. I don’t wear eyeliner or lipstick. I don’t fret about what “outfit” to wear since I only ever wear a black t-shirt and jeans. Sometimes a grey t-shirt. I don’t wear hair accessories, wouldn’t even know how. I don’t “style” my hair. I’m currently still wearing flip-flops every day and carrying a summer purse! My friend Tiffany will read that last sentence and swoon…since polite southern girls don’t faint. I’m not butch, per se, I’m more of the plain jane variety. I don’t do things with my appearance to draw attention to myself as this makes me nervous*. My friend Tiffany is just the opposite of me. She’s girly through and through and then back around again. She’s the kind of lady (and yes, a Lady) who matches her shoes to her purse every day. My first memory of Tiffany is at an intramural sorority volleyball game where she showed up wearing a purple swishy wind suit and full jewelry – earrings, necklace, bracelets, rings and fresh nail polish. I’m pretty sure I was wearing yesterday’s ponytail and a dirty t-shirt I had moments ago dug out from a pile on my dorm room floor. We were playing volleyball for crying out loud - not trying out for Homecoming court! From that moment on it became Tiffany’s mission to make me more Lady-ish. To style my hair and make me wear an “outfit” to class.

*Maybe in another post on another day we can explore why drawing attention with my appearance makes me nervous but drawing attention with my personality gives a high that can only be matched by peanut butter and chocolate.

Apparently all of her work was in vain. I’m still wearing t-shirts, still not styling my hair, still not wearing lipstick. In fact, lately I’ve been walking around looking like this. (Tiffany, maybe you should look away.)


Of course, I don’t WANT to look like this. But I decided that I needed a break from the blonde upkeep. I mean...every eight weeks gets a bit tedious. And expensive. So I set out to grow out the blonde which, as you can see above, is a nice look. I made it all the way to yesterday when I freaked out and decided that I couldn’t take it anymore! No more bad roots! No more bad blonde! I went straight to Target and bought some nice natural brown and immediately colored my hair. Some of you may remember the last time I colored my hair and became and unintentional punk rocker (as seen here). You would think I learned my lesson. You would think by now I would know that it’s worth the money to pay an expert. You would also think that I would know better than to try and cut my own hair. You would be wrong.

My hair can now be described as brain-eating-zombie-GREY on the ends and cut by a kindergarten student with safety scissors. All I can say is, Tiffany, I’m sorry.

The worst part is – my hair used to look like this! So pretty!


Now it looks like this.


I called AJ and told her that I have a hair emergency. She asked why and I told her that I tried to cut it myself. “WHY would you DO that??” she said.

I don’t know.

I do not know.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Brother Harris

I started to write a big sappy tribute to my brother about how today is his birthday and how awesome he is and what a great father he is and how funny he is....but then I realized that I've written this before. And I couldn't say it better myself.

SPT: Personal History (Brother)

(Written July 2005) (Yet still holds true today)
I’m getting married on Monday, marrying the best person I know. There are many people involved in the wedding whom I love and adore and with whom I feel honored to share my day. I want to somehow give a small picture of how blessed I am to be surrounded by such great people. First off, my brother, Kelley Andrew Harris – or Drew, for short. My earliest memory of my brother is the day he was born. I was six years old and the queen of the world, and suddenly there was this new person in my house. The day Drew was born, Dad took me to K-Mart in Bowling Green, KY to get a new outfit for my “new brother to come home in”. I had known something was coming, had seen my mother’s stomach growing month by month. But somehow I didn’t realize all the talk meant a new person I had to share space with – and parents. Once he did come home, I thought he was pretty cool since he was tiny like a baby doll. But MAN! DID HE SCREAM! For an entire year he screamed morning, noon and night. Screamed instead of eating. Screamed instead of sleeping. He screamed…..and screamed. My parents went crazy wondering what it was they were doing wrong while Drew just screamed. And screamed.
After a year, he did finally stop the incessant screaming (we never figured out what the problem was…). What's followed has been 24 years of good and bad and hilarious. When we were younger, we fought like champs. We also loved each other and had more than fun than should be allowed for two kids to have. He was always so much younger than me, which made me into a bossy tyrant at times. And he was a pesky little brother. But he was also funny and interesting and my best friend growing up. Together we traveled to grandparents’ in the family mini-van, took a trip to the beach, rode to school every day, watched 10,000 movies and made a lifetime of memories.
Once I left home for college, my relationship with my brother matured into a friendship like none other I have. Whenever I’m with Drew, I’m laughing. He’s truly the funniest person I know and will EVER know. And he’s grown into a man of character and strength, a person I admire and respect. It’s too challenging (and time consuming at the moment) to truly write an accurate picture of my love for my brother, but here are some of my personal highlights:
- I’m Po, but I’m Proud
- Sambo
- Orange converse high tops
- Riding the jet ski in Florida and fearing for my life
- Scooby Doo
- verysmallrocks
- “Wait a second...bug...gnat...”
- “I know who you are”
- The bird call
- Tetris, Super Mario and Frogger
- Our trip to LA
- Stealing my 10-speed and then knocking your teeth out on a parked car
- No knees
- Megan has a bowling ball
- Taking a "Wayne"

Drew – you know there are a million more...and a million more than that. You’ve been (and continue to be) the best brother a girl could ask for. I’ve loved you since I met you, and I’m so excited to see where life will take us both. Happy 27th Birthday old man. I love you!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The One Where You Think I'm Confessing what Embarrassing Shows I Watch, But I'm Not. (i'mnotembarrassedatall)

Time Magazine recently came out with their list of the 100 Best TV Shows of ALL TIME! Since I love TV like Chris Crocker loves Britney and black eyeliner, I was very eager to see what they qualified as "ALL TIME" best shows. Here's the list (with my comments):

The 100 Best TV Shows of All-TIME
A - F
* 24 (Jack Bauer for President! Although not the Jack Bauer from Season 6, please.)
* 60 Minutes
* The Abbott and Costello Show
* ABC's Wide World of Sports
* Alfred Hitchcock Presents
* All in the Family
* An American Family
* American Idol (Duh.)
* Arrested Development (If I could put George Micheal Bluth in my purse and take him with me everywhere I go - I would. I would indeed.)
* Battlestar Galactica
* The Beavis and Butt-Head Show (Wait, really? I mean, I've laughed with the best of 'em but we're going for greatest shows of ALL TIME here.)
* The Bob Newhart Show
* Brideshead Revisited
* Buffalo Bill
* Buffy the Vampire Slayer
* The Carol Burnett Show
* The CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite
* A Charlie Brown Christmas
* Cheers
* The Cosby Show (Whachoo talkin' 'bout BUUUUUUD.)
* The Daily Show
* Dallas
* The Day After
* Deadwood
* The Dick Van Dyke Show
* Dragnet
* The Ed Sullivan Show
* The Ernie Kovacs Show
* Felicity (Scott Speedman! So Sexy!)
* Freaks and Geeks
* The French Chef
* Friends (Give us some candy Lady!)

G - M

* General Hospital
* The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show
* Gilmore Girls (Yes, please.)
* Gunsmoke
* Hill Street Blues
* Homicide: Life on the Street
* The Honeymooners
* I, Claudius
* I Love Lucy
* King of the Hill
* The Larry Sanders Show
* Late Night with David Letterman (NBC)(Although Paul Schaffer scares the POOP out of me.)
* Leave It to Beaver
* Lost (If this were not an alphabetized list, this should be at the top of said list. Forever. Amen.)
* Married... With Children
* Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman
* The Mary Tyler Moore Show
* M*A*S*H
* The Monkees
* Monty Python's Flying Circus
* Moonlighting
* MTV 1981-1992
* My So-Called Life
* Mystery Science Theater 3000

N - S

* The Odd Couple
* The Office [American] (There's Poop! Falling! From the CEILING!)
* The Office [British]
* The Oprah Winfrey Show
* Pee Wee's Playhouse
* Playhouse 90
* The Price Is Right
* Prime Suspect
* The Prisoner
* The Real World
* Rocky and His Friends
* Roots
* Roseanne
* Sanford and Son
* Saturday Night Live
* Second City Television
* See It Now
* Seinfeld (Another list topper, this should be, in a non-alphabetized way)
* Sesame Street
* Sex and the City
* The Shield
* The Simpsons
* The Singing Detective
* Six Feet Under
* Soap
* The Sopranos
* South Park
* SpongeBob SquarePants
* SportsCenter
* Star Trek
* St. Elsewhere
* The Super Bowl (and the Ads)
* Survivor

T - Z

* Taxi
* The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
* The Twilight Zone
* Twin Peaks
* The West Wing
* What's My Line?
* WKRP in Cincinnati
* The Wire
* Wiseguy
* The X-Files
* Your Show of Shows

Here's the thing. Where's Scrubs? And Flavor of Love? And 30 Rock? And Best Week Ever and Flipping Out and That's So Raven and The Dog Whisperer? And Aqua Teen Hunger Force? And Hogan Knows Best? I mean, if you're going to make a list - make a LIST people.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Puppy Love

Minnie has a crush on Dr. J.D.


But he never calls. This makes Minnie cry.


Wail, actually.


Then she gets depressed.



I've told her to stop TIVOing Scrubs episodes as this only makes the pain worse. She does not listen. J.D.! she says. J.Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.!!

Ahhhh, youth.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Cutest Niece Ever - #2

There's a new niece in town. Behold - Rachel Elizabeth Hogle.

I'm in a store! And I am singing!

Granny and Pops - I feel spoiled already.
Rachel and Pops

Granny and Rachel

Uncle Ryan seems nervous.
Favorite Uncle

(Look away from the woman growing out her roots)

Friday, September 07, 2007

In case of emergency....or not...

I just picked up a new medication for my TMC. I don't typically read the many many paragraphs of prescription information but I got stuck in traffic. So I read it.

Possible Side Effects:
Sleepiness, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, worry, irritability....and on and on and on.

Then I read this.

If overdose is suspected, contact your local poison control center or emergency room immediately. Symptoms of overdoes may include nausea, vomiting, sleepiness and dizziness.

Now really...I ask you....