Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Don't Wanna Be Your Monkey Wrench

For Christmas I gave Ryan Foo Fighter tickets. Ryan loves the Foo Fighters. And I knew he would all but freak over the tickets. Which he did. Which is also why I got us floor/general admission tickets. I knew when I bought these tickets that I would not enjoy this scenario. Sweaty bodies pressing themselves upon me, pushing and shoving, is not my idea of a good time. I'm in my mid-thirties, ok? But floor/general admission also means you're closer to the action and this was for Ryan. I was trying to think of others and be filled with Christmas spirit and stuff.

The moment we arrived the kids behind us were talking about how many bowls they should have smoked before the show. And then people blew smoke in my face. And then a strange man hit on Ryan. And then the shoving began. And the pushing. And the suffocating. Most of the show I could only see the sweaty armpit of the large man in front of me...the large man who hadn't showered in a few days. And several people were kind enough to grope my butt without my permission. And everyone felt free with the cursing and the screaming.

But ok, the band was great (what I could see) and Dave Grohl was hot (from what I could tell) but mostly what I learned is the one thing I've known for a long time.

Do Not.

P.S. 2008, I still hate you.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

An Open Letter to 2008

Dear 2008,

Look, we need to talk. I can't even start off with the how-are-you pleasantries or where's-the-flying-cars-I-thought-you-would-have-by-now brouhaha. It's time for some tough love, 2008. Time to get real.

You are wearing me RIGHT. OUT.

I realize our relationship is new. We've only known each other for a couple weeks now but seriously. I'm about done. The chaos, the break-ups, the divorces, the troubling ovulation news, the working late, the unending writer's strike...the snow for crying out loud! The snow that made Minnie Dog bark and freak out with wonder. The snow that I normally would have taken photos of...would have taken video of Minnie frolicking in...but I was too busy! Too busy dealing with YOU and all the PROBLEMS you've brought. What is wrong with you?

We've got a long way to go together, 2008. But if we keep going at this pace I am not going to make it. I don't have time to see my friends. Or my husband. I don't have time to read or write blogs! I feel like you're trying to cram a year's worth of stress, drama and badness into one day.

Ease up will ya?

I'm raising the white flag over here. Calling for a truce. Asking you for one tiny break.

Could we be friends?


(2007, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for all the nasty things I said about you. I didn't mean it. Please come back. I miss you.)

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Happy New Year, Ya'll

I do realize, you know. I realize that my blog looks like one of those crazy houses with all the Christmas lights still lit up. I've been absent, with my crazy candy canes half blown over and my icicle lights falling off the gutters. And I'm sorry about that. I've had good intentions. I've had lots of posts in my head. Lots of interesting things to tell you. Lots of pointless observations to make. So why haven't I written? Where have I been? I'll tell you.






....also, we got a Wii.