Thinking

My blog has been so boring lately. I would have stopped reading already....if I were a reader. If you read, and then you stopped, I don't blame you. I'm almost inclined to tell you to run for your life, it's only going to get worse.

I feel like I should tell you something although I don't know what. I feel like there's something lurking in me somewhere that needs spilling. There's a bubbling up of unnamed ideas or thoughts or confessions....something. I told Ryan tonight that I'm a complete failure - and I meant it. When I said those words I meant them through and through. I feel like I'm failing at every turn in my curvy life. This week has been the worst. The. Worst. He proceeded to give me 20 reasons why I am, indeed, not a failure all of which I shrugged off. Dismissed. And even though that's true, I feel like a failure, that really isn't the true issue. I don't know what it is....this cloud. I'd call it a funk but it feels more susbstantial than that. I'd call it fatigue but that excuse is wearing thin. I'd call it change/adjustment at work but the truth is, I like change. I thrive in newness. I'd call it frustration, anger, fear, depression, a headache, cramps, blah blah blah blah blah..........

Nothing seems to fit. Maybe if I could name it, it would release it's deathgrip on me.