Fatty Fatty Two by Four

Hey remember The Boot? No really, do you remember that? And remember how it was so annoying and came at the worst possible time? Remember the crutches that cut into my armpits and how much I complained and grunted and sighed and heave ho'd around? I do. I don't think fondly of those days. Instead, I say Fiddle Dee Dee and walk around in flip-flops like I'm the Queen of the Shoe Carnival. Guess what?

The Boot. Is Back.

While Ryan and I were in Las Vegas my left foot started hurting again. And what I mean by "hurting" is that I limped through three casinos and almost ripped Ryan's arm off trying to make it back to our hotel room while crying and freaking out. It hurt. Now, two weeks later, still hurting. Sometimes it's just an annoying pain, sometimes excruciating. So I went back to the 'ole foot doctor to see what the problem is. Turns out, I have Plantar Fasciitis (PLAN-tar fashee-EYE-tiss), which is basically a fancy way to say my foot hurts. So, I'm back in the boot. And therapy. And such. When the Doc said I couldn't wear flip-flops anymore I laughed and said Good One Doc. He inhaled severely and emphasized that he was totally and completely serious. WHAT? You might as well tell me I can't have children or that I can't drink Diet Coke. Preposterous!

Just for kicks I googled Plantar Fasciitis to see what I could see. I found a site that listed several treatments for my condition, including this:

*Losing weight if possible, especially in overweight women because our survey of 5,000 visitors shows overweight women are 6 times more likely than men to get plantar fasciitis. This is probably because fat deposits lower on the body in women than in men. This lowers the center of gravity which will cause excess tension in the planatar fasciitis if there is not also greater flexibilty in the calf muscles.

Ummmm.

That cheerful paragraph was followed up by this:

I would rank losing weight higher, but it is too difficult for most Americans to reduce the amount of food they eat.

Oh. My. Word. I have a CAST on my FOOT because I'm FAT.

I HAVE A CAST ON MY FOOT BECAUSE I AM FAT.

Apparently the sheer girth of my thighs has caused my feet to just give up. I could address this issue in several ways most of which would involve lettuce and bans on ice cream and anything that tastes good.

I've decided to address it in this way.
Concerned co-worker: Jo what happened! Were you in an accident?
Me: Nope. Just fat.