Warning: Do Not Read This Post

Why am I sitting here watching some re-run episode of House about some crazy woman and all her crazy problems that are turning out to be liver cancer? This can only lead to me thinking I have liver cancer. There. Now I'm thinking it. You see why I should shut off the TV and vacuum the carpet....oh, the carpet.

I keep trying to climb this rickity ladder, trying to make it a little higher. Every time I seem to miss a rung and trip over myself and fall back down. Since January I've been climbing this ladder. Trying to get to the top. Waiting for the woosh! of the slide down. When will the woosh come? I've been climbing and climbing and so far, no woosh. Since January, the following has happened.

-Mystery injury to toe which resulted in boot cast, crutches and very large bill that insurance wouldn't pay
-The pointless surgery that left a gaping hole in my heart, a scar on my belly button and another hefty bill
-Job drama you don't even want to know about
-Got dumped by my publisher
-Have to go...

Look....I'm done with the list. Who needs to read a big long list of my woes when you've got your own. The point is...I need the woosh. Bad. This climbing is wearing me celebrity thin.

So thin that last night for dinner I ate two ice cream cones.

Two.

Deal. With. That.