T.G.I.F.

Dear Mrs. GMC SUV from Williamson County,

You don't know me. But I know you. You and your big giant white SUV. You and your cashmere hoodie and your black diamond-studded sunglasses. You and your manicured nails and your pink razor cell phone that's glued to your left ear.

We met this morning on I-65. I was the girl wearing the white long sleeved t-shirt under a green short sleeved t-shirt driving a reasonably sized black Toyota Corolla. I was the girl minding her own business, driving to work. I was the girl who had just kissed her husband and doggie good-bye. I was the girl thinking about all the things I need to accomplish today.

The reason I know so much about you is because you swerved within an INCH OF MY LIFE. You and your big fat SUV came over into my lane without any notice of me. I suppose you thought my little car could just hop out of the way. I suppose you wanted to get ahead of the person in front of you and never bothered to look and see if anyone was beside you. You just came on over, like it was your right because you were simply too busy talking on the phone to look over your shoulder. You just swerved into me, nearly slamming into me. There were literal centimeters between us. I could see what color your eye shadow was. Your idiotic action caused me to slam on my brakes and swerve into the median (nearly flipping my car, I'm sure) and everyone behind us to slam on their brakes and swerve. You and your big giant pointless SUV nearly cost me my life. I like my life. I really don't want it to end on I-65 on my way to work.

Even as I slammed and swerved and honked, even as traffic five cars behind slammed and swerved and cursed and honked, you just kept blabbing, never noticing any of us. And why would you? I'm sure you're far too important and busy to notice a girl like me, on her way to work. I'm sure you were off to a massage or a pedicure or a shopping spree. I hope you have a nice day. I hope your pedicure gives you a toenail fungus that hasn't yet been identified and your big toe rots and falls off.

Good day to you,
JoAnna