Thursday, July 14, 2005
Book #2
It’s time. All of my excuses, save a few stragglers like getting my house in order and de-ghetto-ing the yard, are now expired. The wedding is over, the honeymoon was evacuated and the gift cards have been spent. I’ve signed the contract and cashed the check. There’s nothing left to do – but write. And write I must. I’ve been legally bound to produce a book filled with words (no pictures) that are original and poignant and interesting. And hopefully funny. When I think about it (which normally I choose to think about other things like grocery lists and who’s on Leno) my stomach churns. My head aches. My confidence runs scared, hiding behind the couch like a skittish kitten. I can think of one million and twelve reasons (trust me, I’ve counted) why I cannot and should not write another book. Why the mere idea of trying again is silly and crazy and outlandish. How this time I will surely be exposed for the fraud I know myself to be. I’m sure I have nothing to say. Convinced that to attempt to write another book will only be foolish vanity. Assured that I have no talent and no ideas and no originality. Positive that my publisher only signed me on for another book out of pity or boredom or ignorance of my lack. Quite simply, I’m afraid. Afraid to try and fail. Afraid to try and succeed. Afraid to expose myself, once again, to anyone who chooses to read my words. It’s a strange and other-worldly thing telling on yourself to complete strangers. One would think that since I’ve cathartically expose myself once, I would never do it again – that there shouldn’t be a need. I tell myself the first book was a mere fluke. A happenstance. I read other people’s words that are so much better than my own and think that all this publishing brouhaha must be a dream. Or a nightmare. Being creative on a schedule makes my pits sweat and my knees buckle. Deadlines make me queasy. But write I must. Write I should. Write I will.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Man and Wife
This photo was taken by a friend (Amy Vest) right after we kissed. In that exact moment I felt a rush of so many things. Something like my life flashing before my eyes only not in a scary way. It was one of those perfect, untouchable moments that I will never forget. I want to say that our wedding was magical, although I think saying that will cheapen it somehow. But it was - it was magical. It was surreal. It was special and memorable and us. 
Marrying Ryan has been the highlight of my life. I know some people might shake their heads at me and murmur something about "your life's highlight should be when you accepted Christ". And yes, that was certainly a highlight - but not like a flash. I grew up knowing who Christ was, and accepted Him at a very young age. And when it happened, I was overwhelmed. But I also believe that accepting Christ is a process. A journey. A lifelong choice. And ok, so is marriage. Marriage is a journey and a process. A lifelong choice. But my point that I'm having a terrible time making is this - my wedding ceremony was the one moment in my life when I've been completely aware of what was happening. Aware of the gravity and importance. Aware of my heart. Aware of every word I spoke. Every look and touch. Every nuance. Every fleck of blue and green in Ryan's eyes. Every slight twitch of his face that told me knew it too.
Marrying Ryan has been the highlight of my life. I know some people might shake their heads at me and murmur something about "your life's highlight should be when you accepted Christ". And yes, that was certainly a highlight - but not like a flash. I grew up knowing who Christ was, and accepted Him at a very young age. And when it happened, I was overwhelmed. But I also believe that accepting Christ is a process. A journey. A lifelong choice. And ok, so is marriage. Marriage is a journey and a process. A lifelong choice. But my point that I'm having a terrible time making is this - my wedding ceremony was the one moment in my life when I've been completely aware of what was happening. Aware of the gravity and importance. Aware of my heart. Aware of every word I spoke. Every look and touch. Every nuance. Every fleck of blue and green in Ryan's eyes. Every slight twitch of his face that told me knew it too.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Family
I had intended to write a nice blog about all of my amazing friends before the wedding....but only had the time to write about my brother and Nivah. I do plan to share why these women are special to me...but for the moment thought I would share this photo from the rehearsal dinner. These women are my life long friends, my family, my shoulders and ears and hugs and memories. These women mean more to me than I'm sure I will be able to convey...and I love them all dearly. It was truly and honor for me that they participated in our wedding - and they all looked GORGEOUS!!! More to come on the individuals...
From left to right: Angie Illingworth, AJ Strout, Nivah Eckert, me, Leigh Ann Scalf, Beth Gallion, Kellie Harris, Leslie Illingworth, Laura Perryman, and April Sanders - the best women I know.
From left to right: Angie Illingworth, AJ Strout, Nivah Eckert, me, Leigh Ann Scalf, Beth Gallion, Kellie Harris, Leslie Illingworth, Laura Perryman, and April Sanders - the best women I know.
Yee-Haw
Yes, my father and brother walked into the rehearsal dinner - in front of Ryan's entire family and all of our friends - wearing these giant cowboy hats. And yes, everyone cheered as Ryan and I were forced to pose in them for a photo. Ain't love grand?
Monday, July 11, 2005
Rehearsal Cheer
Ok - those of you who read my blog may become greatly annoyed with the influx of wedding photos and stories that are about to flow - but a girl can only hold so much in. Our wedding was the most fantastic perfect day....and I have to share. This photo is from our rehearsal, and I think Ryan looks hilarious. The second photo...is also hilarious and awesome. Can you see why I married this guy? Much more to come....
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Nivah
Nivah Ry Norman Eckert – my Matron of Honor. I’m five days older than Nivah, who was born on Flag Day, June 14th. I met Nivah in September of 1992 at Renee Reams apartment (off campus) when were new pledges for Kappa Delta. We had both pledged with friends, so she was sitting with her group and I was sitting with mine. We had to go around the room and say something unique about ourselves, and I said how when I was in Jr. High, I had to sleep in a football helmet to re-align my jaw. This made Nivah think I was a weirdo.
We were friends all through college and next door neighbors for two years. She lived in Jones 12 and I lived in Jones 10. We sang together in All Sing competitions and weddings and sorority functions. I always thought Nivah was classy and cool and the prettiest girl I knew. After college I moved to Louisville and Nivah moved to Chicago. I was running from my problems and Nivah was looking for adventure. After about a year and a half – we both moved to Nashville. I was still running from my problems, and Nivah was coming back home. We moved into an attic apartment on Blair Boulevard. The shower was so small you had to stick your leg out into the bathroom to shave. If I stood up too fast while opening a dresser drawer, I would knock myself out on the sloped attic ceiling. We were both broke, and at one point got second jobs at a five diamond restaurant, The Wild Boar. This is now the restaurant of which we do not speak.
That was seven years ago – and to say that much has happened in the last seven years seems comic. We’ve traveled, laughed, cried, grown, raged, changed – and been there for each other through the storms that inevitably come. In the past few years, she and I both faced tragedies that seemed insurmountable. She held my hand and I held hers. And I found out that sometimes water is just as thick as blood. That there are people in the world who will truly see you through the hard times and love you when you are unlovable (except when you’re sick and have germs, right Nivah?). Nivah is the sister I never had, the friend I lean on and trust, the person I admire and the woman I want to be. And even though we’ve been in more weddings than is print-able…..I’m so honored that she will be standing next to me when I marry Ryan.
I love you Niv – more than you know.
We were friends all through college and next door neighbors for two years. She lived in Jones 12 and I lived in Jones 10. We sang together in All Sing competitions and weddings and sorority functions. I always thought Nivah was classy and cool and the prettiest girl I knew. After college I moved to Louisville and Nivah moved to Chicago. I was running from my problems and Nivah was looking for adventure. After about a year and a half – we both moved to Nashville. I was still running from my problems, and Nivah was coming back home. We moved into an attic apartment on Blair Boulevard. The shower was so small you had to stick your leg out into the bathroom to shave. If I stood up too fast while opening a dresser drawer, I would knock myself out on the sloped attic ceiling. We were both broke, and at one point got second jobs at a five diamond restaurant, The Wild Boar. This is now the restaurant of which we do not speak.
That was seven years ago – and to say that much has happened in the last seven years seems comic. We’ve traveled, laughed, cried, grown, raged, changed – and been there for each other through the storms that inevitably come. In the past few years, she and I both faced tragedies that seemed insurmountable. She held my hand and I held hers. And I found out that sometimes water is just as thick as blood. That there are people in the world who will truly see you through the hard times and love you when you are unlovable (except when you’re sick and have germs, right Nivah?). Nivah is the sister I never had, the friend I lean on and trust, the person I admire and the woman I want to be. And even though we’ve been in more weddings than is print-able…..I’m so honored that she will be standing next to me when I marry Ryan.
I love you Niv – more than you know.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Rain, Rain.....
Ryan and I decided not to rent a tent for our blessed event, believing that it will not rain. And this is the fortune I got at Pei Wei. But raining success? If that means success in the form of cash money, then LET THE HEAVENS OPEN AND POUR OUT THEIR BLESSINGS.
Reason #98
Reason #98 Why I Love Ryan Illingworth:
Today we went to get our marriage license, and when the angry woman at the County Clerk's office barked, "What number marriage is this for you?", Ryan quickly said, "First...and last."
Today we went to get our marriage license, and when the angry woman at the County Clerk's office barked, "What number marriage is this for you?", Ryan quickly said, "First...and last."
Drew
I’m getting married on Monday, marrying the best person I know. There are many people involved in the wedding whom I love and adore and with whom I feel honored to share my day. I want to somehow give a small picture of how blessed I am to be surrounded by such great people. First off, my brother, Kelley Andrew Harris – or Drew, for short. My earliest memory of my brother is the day he was born. I was six years old and the queen of the world, and suddenly there was this new person in my house. The day Drew was born, Dad took me to K-Mart in Bowling Green, KY to get a new outfit for my “new brother to come home in”. I had known something was coming, had seen my mother’s stomach growing month by month. But somehow I didn’t realize all the talk meant a new person I had to share space with – and parents. Once he did come home, I thought he was pretty cool since he was tiny like a baby doll. But MAN! DID HE SCREAM! For an entire year he screamed morning, noon and night. Screamed instead of eating. Screamed instead of sleeping. He screamed…..and screamed. My parents went crazy wondering what it was they were doing wrong while Drew just screamed. And screamed.
After a year, he did finally stop the incessant screaming (we never figured out what the problem was…). What's followed has been 24 years of good and bad and hilarious. When we were younger, we fought like champs. We also loved each other and had more than fun than should be allowed for two kids to have. He was always so much younger than me, which made me into a bossy tyrant at times. And he was a pesky little brother. But he was also funny and interesting and my best friend growing up. Together we traveled to grandparents’ in the family mini-van, took a trip to the beach, rode to school every day, watched 10,000 movies and made a lifetime of memories.
Once I left home for college, my relationship with my brother matured into a friendship like none other I have. Whenever I’m with Drew, I’m laughing. He’s truly the funniest person I know and will EVER know. And he’s grown into a man of character and strength, a person I admire and respect. It’s too challenging (and time consuming at the moment) to truly write an accurate picture of my love for my brother, but here are some of my personal highlights:
- I’m Po, but I’m Proud
- Sambo
- Orange converse high tops
- Riding the jet ski in Florida and fearing for my life
- Scooby Doo
- verysmallrocks
- “Wait a second….bug…..gnat……”
- “I know who you are”
- The bird call
- Tetris, Super Mario and Frogger
- Our trip to LA
- Stealing my 10-speed and then knocking your teeth out on a parked car
- No knees
- Megan has a bowling ball
- Taking a "Wayne"
Drew – you know there are a million more…..and a million more than that. You’ve been (and continue to be) the best brother a girl could ask for. I’ve loved you since I met you, and I’m so excited to see where life will take us both. Thank you for being a part of my wedding, and my life. I love you!
After a year, he did finally stop the incessant screaming (we never figured out what the problem was…). What's followed has been 24 years of good and bad and hilarious. When we were younger, we fought like champs. We also loved each other and had more than fun than should be allowed for two kids to have. He was always so much younger than me, which made me into a bossy tyrant at times. And he was a pesky little brother. But he was also funny and interesting and my best friend growing up. Together we traveled to grandparents’ in the family mini-van, took a trip to the beach, rode to school every day, watched 10,000 movies and made a lifetime of memories.
Once I left home for college, my relationship with my brother matured into a friendship like none other I have. Whenever I’m with Drew, I’m laughing. He’s truly the funniest person I know and will EVER know. And he’s grown into a man of character and strength, a person I admire and respect. It’s too challenging (and time consuming at the moment) to truly write an accurate picture of my love for my brother, but here are some of my personal highlights:
- I’m Po, but I’m Proud
- Sambo
- Orange converse high tops
- Riding the jet ski in Florida and fearing for my life
- Scooby Doo
- verysmallrocks
- “Wait a second….bug…..gnat……”
- “I know who you are”
- The bird call
- Tetris, Super Mario and Frogger
- Our trip to LA
- Stealing my 10-speed and then knocking your teeth out on a parked car
- No knees
- Megan has a bowling ball
- Taking a "Wayne"
Drew – you know there are a million more…..and a million more than that. You’ve been (and continue to be) the best brother a girl could ask for. I’ve loved you since I met you, and I’m so excited to see where life will take us both. Thank you for being a part of my wedding, and my life. I love you!
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