Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Not Only That, He's Cute Too

I've been meaning to write a post all about motherhood and how awesome Little Harry is and so forth and so on. And while extreme lack of sleep has certainly played a part in my wordlessness, it's mostly been because I'm so full up I just don't know what to say. And so, here is my stream of consciousness commentary on the last few weeks.

When you have your first baby at 34 (four days before turning 35), there are a few truths you can count on.
-All of your friends have had at least one baby, probably three
-People have assumed you are infertile, some even giving you the Bless Your Heart routine
-Yours will not be the first grandbaby
-You will have loved this baby for a long, long time

Lots of people talk about falling in love with their child the moment their eyes meet for the first time. It wasn't exactly that way for me. I've loved Little Harry for years. I've been waiting for him and hoping for him and loving him. Sure, I didn't have a face to my hope, didn't know his sex or his name, but I loved him just the same. These last few weeks of meeting him and getting to know him have just felt like a "yeah" moment. A comfortable fit. I had that same feeling when I met Ryan. It wasn't so much lovey-dovey rapture as it was "yeah, you and me, this is it".

Being Harry's mom feels natural. Feels right.

Some of my friends have said things like "are you so happy to finally be a mom?" and "is it everything you had hoped it would be?" I don't really know how to respond. Don't know how to articulate what I'm experiencing. Being Harry's mom is not a new experience or feeling - it's like coming home.

He's mine and I'm his and now we're finally together.