We All Fall Down

Lately I feel like people in my life are crashing and burning at an alarming rate. Seems like every day I hear some new bit of shocking news about friends and family. And I don't know what to think. Since 1974 I've always stood on my blacks and whites. I've always known exactly what I believe - exactly who I am. But now I feel like I'm standing on a stack of black and white ping-pong balls and I'm not sure which way to fall. It's as if every belief I've ever had is now suspect. Up for debate. Or scrutiny. Or something.

It's easy to become disillusioned by the actions of others. We spend so much time dissecting and analyzing the way others act and react to certain situations, often comparing them to our own set of inner rules. We expect certain people to behave a certain way, holding those close to us to a higher standard than strangers on the news. Whether or not we are religious or spiritual, we each have a specific guideline used to measure all of these actions. From that guideline, we determine whom to honor and whom to scorn. But sometimes people in our lives veer way off the beaten path. Me too. I find myself teetering on that very edge. Meanwhile people around me are dropping like flies.

Sometimes I wish to be 7 years old again - back in the land of blacks and whites. Back when right was right and wrong was wrong and I never had to question my doe-eyed admiration for all of the adults in my life. Back when people (I thought) kept their word and lived their faith and were the person they appeared to be. Before I ever knew a true liar. Before I had to question motives and beware of deceit. I realize I was mostly naive given my childhood-limited-point-of-view. I know that if I could go back and watch video tape of those years I would surely be shocked at all the things that flew directly over my head.

I wish for it nonetheless.

Some of the adults from my childhood seem to have lost site of everything they once stood for, everything that once defined them, everything true. In other words, they seem to have gone coo-coo-crazy. It rattles me a bit. Or, a lot. Families that were once (seemingly) rock solid are now stripped down to their birthday suits desperately trying to cover their naughtiness with too small hands. Running from the spotlight they are constantly in. Spouting "truths" that are nothing of the sort, that are manipulations to ease their own conscience. So they can still say "I believe, I'm ok, nothing wrong here, keep moving...". But we're not moving. Time seems to stand still.

Fathers leaving their wives and children. Wives giving up on their marriages. Spiritual leaders leaving the church. Grown adults not only ignoring the elephant in the room but throwing a leash around it and going for a stroll in the park.

Maybe I'm just getting older. Wiser. (Or is it more cynical?) Maybe these people have always been living this way in private and putting on their Sunday best in public. Here in the south we'd call that "puttin' on heirs". Whatever it is, I fear it might be contagious. Is there anyone out there capable of living their faith forever?