On Gas

Dear Nashville and surrounding areas,

Please calm down. The only reason there is a current gas crisis is because you, dear friend, are in a panicked panic running around filling buckets and travel coffee cups and trash cans and lawn mower gas cans with whatever gas you can find. I saw you at the Spring Hill Shell station, in your gold Lexus, filling as many gas cans as your spacious trunk would hold. It's your fault that my friends can't make it home from work. Please take a moment to step back from yourself and realize that we are all in this together. If you're out of gas, by all means, fill up. If you still have half a tank, take a deep breath and CHILL OUT. You're starting to get on my nerves.

Jo

P.S. If you do manage to find a working gas pump and choose to wait in the long line, here's a tip. Once you pump your precious gas PLEASE DRIVE AWAY FROM THE PUMP. Do not park your car in front of the only working gas pump in fifty miles, go inside the station and buy yourself a candy bar and a coke, take a bathroom break, buy a lottery ticket, and then stroll every so casually out to your car and finally drive away. The good people of Nashville cannot be held responsible for what happens to you.