What's that smell?

I thought about telling you about how when I asked Ryan if TiVo and I were stranded on a rooftop and he could only save one of us which one would he choose, and he said he'd have to think about it. But you don't want to hear more TV talk. Then I thought about telling you that my brother's little girl is due any second! But lots of people hate hearing about other people's babies and how cute they will surely be, so I can't talk about that. I thought about telling you about my HELLISH day at work today but that's even more of the same song second verse. Little bit louder and a little bit worse. Of course there's the recent health drama/scare/situation I've been through but even I'M tired of hearing about that.

Instead I'll share this nice comment I received from my dear friend Anonymous.

"This blog is dying. A. Slow. Painful. Death.
Used to be my favorite. What's going on?"


So THAT'S what it is! My BLOG is dying! What a relief....all this time I thought my lack of words was due to despair or overwhelming stress or exhaustion or life. You know life, it ebbs and flows with its ups and downs. I thought maybe I was just traveling through one of the valleys. I was even ok with that...figured I would eventually make it out to the other side - the land of words and stories and funny observations. Lucky for me I don't have to worry anymore - it's just my boring, dying blog!

On the Rocks

Sometimes you just need to cry. You need to all out freak and cry and wig out. Cry so hard you gasp for air and embarrass yourself by saying something you meant to keep secret. So hard that people who witness it have no idea what to say.

Of course, then, the rest of the day, you feel like your eyeballs are filled with rocks.

Sometimes even the day after.

Do We Have More Of These?

You know the Target Lady from Saturday Night Live? And you know how she loves every item that comes through her line and has to have it immediately?
Wow, these are some smart kackis, she says.
Thanks, you say.
Do we have more of these? she says.
And if you say yes, she runs away to find the smart kackis in her size leaving you standing there dumbfounded. She's also thrilled when your debit card is approved. Man, that skit cracks me up every time.

So.

The following exact exchange just happened to me. At Target. In real life.

Wow, this is SO CUTE, she says.
Yeah I thought so too, I say
I mean it this is SO CUTE. Do we have more of these? she says.
No, I got the last one, I say.
The last one? she says.
Yes, I say.
Oh......................she says.
Yeah, I say.
..............................she says.
I'm getting it for a friend for her birthday, I say.
..............................she says.
..............................I say.
..............................she says.
Ring it up! I gotta get home and watch TIVO! I say.


And yes, my debit card was approved!

Reason #33: Birthday Edition

Reason #33 Why I Love Ryan Illingworth.

He wrapped my birthday presents in Christmas wrapping paper. And that is sooooooo Ryan.

(Note: My awesome co-workers got me TIVO for my birthday! TIVO! FOR ME!! Prepare yourselves........)

Everything's Coming Up

Oh.
No.

I take it all back. DO NOT watch The Starter Wife. It sucks like....like...well, like you probably thought it would. And you were right. I should have just stuck to HGTV. Next time, inner voice, I'll listen to you.

P.S. I do realize that this has slightly turned into a blog about TV. Here's the thing - lately my job is fairly overwhelming and stressful and a lot. At the end of the day the only thing I have energy for is the remote control. And in turn, the only thing I have the energy to type about is TV. Sorry.

P.S. Again. Also, the bigger-than-TV things that are going on in my life aren't quite ready to be aired to the masses. But soon my lovelies. Soon.

P.S. Yet Again. I'm growing roses.

The Starter Show

I think everyone loves to secretly love two things: Celine Dion and TV. Most people you meet will not admit to either of these loves, will usually shout NO! I do not like Celine! I do not watch TV! They lie. Secretly, everyone has at least once beat their chest and sang "My Heart Will Go On" in their car and knows all about Tyra Mail. It's ok, you don't have to admit it out loud.

But I will.

I LOVE TV. For the past two years it's been a manageable love since we didn't have cable. I was restricted to just loving the prime time obvious like 24 and Lost and American Idol. But last Friday, the heavens opened up and behold......ILLINGWORTH MANOR NOW HAS CABLE TV. It's been a week and I already get jittery if I don't get in at least an hour of HGTV every night. I've now been freaked out by Little People Big World and scarred for life from some caveman show on The Discovery Channel last night. We got cable at the perfect time - when all of our shows had just ended. Now we're free to watch all the weird sci-fi-cartoon-network-TLC-comedy-central-MTV we want!

But I fear, it's already gone too far.

I presume you've seen the ads for the USA mini-series The Starter Wife. I presume this because I felt as if I was being stalked by this show. Ads for the show were in every single magazine imaginable. Every other commercial. Debra Messing was on every morning talk show. I even heard about it on conservative talk radio. It was at that point, when two old dudes were talking about "that one girl with red hair from that show...she's in it" that I knew I could not bring myself to watch something as overly-hyped as honeymoon sex. I vowed to ignore The Starter Wife. I would stand strong! I had 93 other channels to watch! I would not be lured by the "from one of the producers of Sex and the City" mumbo jumbo!

So I watched it.
And I liked it.
Oh crap.