14 Things You Should Know: December Edition

1. I use the backs of CDs as mirrors
2. In the second grade, I fell out of the swing at recess (and I was swinging higher than a KITE!). I landed ok, on my well insulated rear, but the swing went back up into the air and then came crashing down on the back of my skull. I had to go to the hospital where they told me I had cracked my skull. My dad joked that my brain might leak out. I was terrified it would.
3. It irritates me when people calculate instead of listen. While listening to you talk they are already thinking of a rebuttal or a comment or a judgment of some sort. JUST LISTEN. WE'RE MAKING CONVERSATION HERE.
4. Once, while on a business trip, I morphed into Jessica Simpson over dinner. We had been working a sales expo all day and were famished. The expo was being held in a hotel, so we went to one of the hotel restaurants. It was very fancy, very dimly lit, and very expensive. I ordered "the chicken" and hoped they would hurry. When my food arrived, I was slightly perturbed that my chicken had come with rice instead of the potatoes I ordered, but neveryoumind I was STARVING! I dug in, heartily, and then announced to the table: WOWWWWWW!!!! THIS IS THE BEST CHICKEN I HAVE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE!!!!!! SO LIGHT!!!!! SO TENDER!!!!! SO UNBELIEVABLY DELICIOUS!!!!!!!! I wouldn't shut-up about the chicken and its chickeny awesomeness. The chicken! It's good! Finally, my friend Cathy reached over to take a bite of my glorious never-before-have-I-eaten-something-so-delicious chicken......and made a face. She turned to the rest of the table and announced, "JoAnna is eating fish".
5. I rank movie candy in this order:
Reeses Pieces
Raisenettes
Peanut M&Ms
Reeses Pieces
Anything else you could think of including vegetables and liver
Popcorn
6. If I prepare for a meeting with you about one of my records, and I am talking to you about said record, please do not interrupt me and talk over me and vomit your general rudeness and ugliness all over the conference room table. It's not very nice....or glamorous.
7. The darkness that is descending at 5:00 is robbing me of my very soul. (I know this is a repeat, but People! I! Am! Serious!)
8. I'm a messy toothbrusher
9. I can't think of one single thing worse than wet socks
10. Sometimes when I'm describing someone that was rude, I say he was, "Rude Dog U.S.A." although I have no idea what this means or why in tarnation I say it. I do not know where it came from and I think it sounds a little crazy. But I say it. So there.
11. Now that it's getting dark so early, I can see my reflection in the window when I look out into the cold, cruel, dark afternoon. And let me tell you, I slouch like Old Mother Hubbard with an unsightly hump and a chip on her shoulder. Ghastly!
12. I think the Extension Cord People jack up the prices around Christmas because they know it's the only time of year you look around and think "man, I sure could use about five extra extension cords".
13. Ryan and I watched the finale of The Biggest Loser and saw these nice people getting $100,000 or $250,000 for losing weight! We looked at each other and said the same thing in our heads. START EATING.
14. I think I would be BFF with Kelly Clarkson, Joan Cusack, Lorelai Gilmore, and Reese Witherspoon.
Bonus: Buying Christmas gifts for dads and dads-in-law and brothers and brothers-in-law is hard. Please help.