The Duck Says:

The Duck says Happy Halloween Ya'll.



And just so Minnie wouldn't get jealous we let her join in on the Halloween fun. But for some reason...she wasn't enjoying it. In fact, I'm pretty sure she now has it out for The Duck.






Kids.....whadyagunnado.


P.S. I said I would...and I did. Color me twenty pounds lighter. Happy Halloween.

Costume Quiz

It's almost Halloween....do you know what you're going to be this year? I'm still deciding....so help me out.

1. What are you going to be this year?
2. What is the best costume you're ever worn?
3. What was your favorite childhood costume?
4. If you are one of those "Non-Costume-Wearer" type people....shame on you. Please shape up.

My answers:
1. I don't know yet...
2. Maybe Poison Ivy - although I couldn't sit down in it
3. Raggedy Ann with lifesize doll to match
4. YEAH!

Here are some of my past contributions.....

2005 - Highway Robbery


2000/2001? - Poison Ivy


College - Wilma Flinstone

I'm Lost

Things that drive me CRAZY:

1. HenryGale/Ben and his lack of eyelashes. The man doesn't have any eyelashes!
2. Charlie acting like he doesn't know why Locke is freaked out and doesn't know anything about the hatch blowing up - wasn't he THERE when it happened??
3. The fact that Echo didn't get eaten. I mean, I don't WANT him to get eaten....but how the heck did he not get eaten?
4. Naked Desmond and his sudden ability to foresee the future.
5. The fact that The Others appear to have the ability to leave the island and rejoin society, but choose not to do so.
6. The fact that every time I see Jack in that cell I freak out that there will be a leak and he will be eaten by a Dharma Shark. I am afraid of sharks.

Deelishis

Quite possibly my favorite TV quote of ALL TIME.

"I can't wait to meet your daughter Jasmine....and you've already met my daughter Jasmine..."
-Flavor Flav

Reason #88

Reason #88 Why I Love Ryan Illingworth:

He brings the party.

Tunnel Vision

If you've been reading this blog with any degree of regularity and with any amount of observation...you know that for the last fifteen months I've been going through an unidentified health situation that has caused me more distress than when Family Ties went off the air. Lately there have been tears and trips to the doctor and tests and more tears and SUR-GER-Y and more tears and more tests and....you get the idea. Seemed like no one in the medical community could figure me out which left me feeling crazy. Like I was making it all up. Like I was a liar.

But I wasn't. The pain was real.

A few months ago my friend Nivah gave me the number to a specialist in town...a special specialist if you will. A specialist so special my exact problem was written right on the front of the brochure. A specialist needle in the haystack of docs. The brochure terrified me immediately and I shoved it to the bottom of my purse hoping to never have to think about it again.

But then I got a new purse.

Making the call to the Special Specialist was hard. You might wonder why I wouldn't jump at the chance for a solution. Charge right in and demand answers. Dial the phone...at least. But I couldn't do it. After everything I've been through, every difficult test with a negative answer, I didn't think I was up to another "We don't know what's wrong".

So I waited.

But let's face it, problems rarely solve themselves. There's work to be done, therapy to be had, drugs to be swallowed....or something. So on Wednesday I called the S.S. Save My Life Please. The chirpy girl who answered the phone seemed all too pleased to hear about my issue. The very same issue that's hounded me and clawed at my heart and left me in an unrecognizable puddle. Instead of horror and disbelief, she expressed pure joy.

"THAT is exactly what we do here! We help people just like you!"

Help? People? Just like me?

So today I went to see the Special Specialist, sure that I would hear another sad sigh. Sure that I would be told yet again (after a series of invasive and embarrassing tests, of course) that no answer could be found. I was nervous. Suspicious. Cynical. Scared.

And I was wrong.

I heard new words this time. I heard "Your pain has a name" and "This is completely treatable" and "It's a medical condition...you are not crazy". I heard "There is hope". I heard "You could potentially be healed in as little as three months". And I cried and cried.

I'm still in the tunnel....but now....I can see a light.

The Flavor

We all know I've been dried up lately as far as words go.....but I feel the need to write something so that "Screech Sex Tape" doesn't remain at the top of my blog.

Ick.

So...I will now tell you five weird things that I've seen or heard lately.

Weird Thing #1. Today I heard about a firsthand story about a guy who said the following: I love books. When I go into a bookstore, I feel so comfortable that I just have to poop. I read books when I poop.

Weird Thing #2. Episode #2 of Heroes on NBC. The gore. The horrifying gore! So, it's definitely not ok to show a bare breast for all of .05 seconds but it's definitely very ok to show horrifying graphic frightening gore on a show that appeals to little kids. Uh-huh.

Weird Thing #3. Minnie Dog trying on her Halloween costume.

Weird Thing #4. My bathroom scale when it read that I'm fifteen pounds skinnier than I was mere weeks ago.

Weird Thing #5. New York's Mom.




(Secret message to those of you who got Weird Thing #5: I KNOW RIGHT????? And I love you for knowing. Serious love. NEW YORK love. Okaaaaayyyyy???)

No....Not A.C. Slater

I'm watching Nashville's news leader Channel 4 News with Dan Miller and Demetria Kaladimos. Suddenly (and uncomfortably) they are talking about Dustin Diamond and his sex tape. You might know Dustin by his former persona, Screech Powers from Saved By the Bell. That's right...Screech has a sex tape. Eww. But then Demetria says something I just might qualify as my favorite news comment ever. With great severity and sincere news-reporter-ish-ness, Demetria looks into the camera and poses this question to all of Middle Tennessee:

"What would Mr. Belding think?"

Indeed.

Good Times

Thinking.....Or Something

There are reasons for post rareness here at The Glamorous Life. Reasons for my silence. My disregard. But I've missed you.

I'm still not sure what exactly it is that I should be saying. Maybe I'll give you a brief run down of the last few weeks. You can then deduce for yourself why I've been so silent.

-Someone close to me lost a second pregnancy - a pregnancy I didn't even know about until it was gone and yet I cried like it was my own.
-Three friends told me they were pregnant.
-One is expecting twins.
-My health problem-whatever-it-is-that-I-still-won't-fully-disclose still looms large. Still overshadows me. Still has an unimaginable grip on me.
-It makes me feel hopeless.
-My beautiful sister-in-law got married in the most beautiful dress with the most beautiful smile you've ever seen.
-I beat Ryan at Dr. Mario.
-Twice.
-I was in Lexington when that plane crashed and all those people died. Some of the family members of the crash victims were in our hotel and we witnessed them hearing the news. It's an experience I don't want to think about ever again.
-9/11
-Minnie Dog got a shocking haircut.
-A close friend lost her mother.
-I kicked myself for not filling out that Do or No Deal application.
-Ryan got a new job making more money with better hours and better treatment.
-I struggled between deciding which season premier to watch: The Biggest Loser or America's Next Top Model.....read into that what you will.
-I had to tell more people that my publisher dumped me. More gasps. More Bless-Your-Hearts.
-I quit physical therapy for my Plantar Fasciitis.
-I lost twelve pounds.
-A large, hairy and sweaty man in my office cornered me by the bathrooms and stood so close to me he almost sweat directly onto my face.

I guess the answer to my weirdness doesn't lie in the list. Truth is, I just haven't had it in me to post anything, even anything ridiculous. Good things happen and bad things happen and at the end of the day there's nothing left for me to say I guess.

I guess.