Cutest Niece Ever - #1

I'm now an Aunt to the cutest niece EVER. Behold - Addison Taylor Harris.



Addison shielding herself from the glaring bulbs of the paparazzi


My brother Drew and his wife Kellie - The Harris's's's


Preparing for her debut on American Idol



In a few short weeks I will introduce you to the Cutest Niece Ever #2.

Taco Oh No

So it's been a crazy week and I haven't had much time to read the new Harry Potter. I've tried to avoid any and all media outlets that might spill the beans as to what's going to happen since I'm only on Chapter 10! Last night Ryan (who is also reading) and I drove through Taco Bell (since we went to Walgreens to get the ant killer) and the Taco Bell guy saw the book in Ryan's backseat and said:

Taco Bell Guy: So, you're reading Harry Potter, eh?
Ryan: Uh yeah!
Me: DRIVE THE CAR!
TBG: You know, I know how it ends.
Ryan: Oh yeah?
Me: RYAN! DRIVE THE CAR NOW!
TBG: Huh-huh.
Me: STEP ON THE GAS!!! RIGHT NOW!! LALALALALALALALALALALALAIAMNOTLISTENING!!!!
Ryan: Alright man, thanks.
Me: IAMGOINGTOFREAKOUTSTEPONTHEGASRIGHTNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean really.

The One Where You Will Feel An Ant Crawling Up Your Arm But It Isn't Really There

I don't mind ants. They don't freak me out or make me scream or give me nightmares. In fact, earlier this year we had an ant problem in our kitchen for about a week. If I saw them crawling across the counter top I didn't jump on a chair and scream for Ryan. Ants are not a problem for me. I never think about ants.

Until we discovered the Ant Hill of Doom in our newly alive backyard.



Are you seeing what I'm seeing here? Oh I've seen ant hills before...usually about the size of a quarter. Usually so insignificant I might even step on one with my bare foot without realizing it. But this thing is about to TAKE OVER. Those bits of colored paper are evidence of our first feeble attempt to triumph over the ants. We had some store-bought ant killer, a sugary substance that you place on little cards (thus the torn up Bed Bath and Beyond coupon - don't worry, we have 100 more just like it because they mail them EVERY SINGLE DAY!) and the ants eat the liquid and carry it back to their home base and it kills all the other ants. It worked in our kitchen. But when Ryan put it out next to THIS hill, they laughed at him. One even BIT him while laughing.

This means war.



Ryan went online and Googled "How to get rid of an ant metropolis" because this...this is no hill. Today he's going to try boiling water. Sounds graphic but also a little cool, right? If that doesn't work, we'll try cinnamon. That's right, boiling water or cinnamon. You're thinking we should try the cinnamon first? You would be wrong.



Also, Minnie's reaction when learning we would be pouring boiling water onto 1,000,000 ants and killing our surrounding baby grass that we worked so hard to grow.

Why I Will Never Lose Weight: A Short Story

Yesterday I ate a piece of cake.
Twice.
Work lunch and a going away party.
Today I ate a piece of cake.
Twice.
Baby shower and visiting family.

The End.

Here's What You Should Do

Go see Transformers.

I KNOW!

I wanted to hate Shia-La-What'sHisName too.....but I loved him!
I wanted to think it was me doing a favor for my husband since that time I made him watch Pride and Prejudice.....but I loved it too!
I remember nothing about the original cartoon......but it didn't matter!
Alien Robots that disguise themselves as different modes of transportation seems so emotionless and 5-years-old......but at times it was heart-warming!
I thought it would be all "More Than Meets the Eye" at every turn.....but...well ok, they DID have several Eye-Meeting-Moments, but it didn't matter.

It was funny, fun, frantic and all around fabulous.
Go.
Now.

*This post is brought to you by dashes, exclamation points and typical elliptical nonsense, apparently.

Junk in your Trunk

Have you ever noticed how we all tend to use our buts to ease our collective conscience about the things we say? Like a warning...Toot Toot! Here comes an insult! Here comes some gossip! Like somehow qualifying that we aren’t trying to say what we’re about to say makes it ok. I’m nicer if I tell you that I don’t want to say these things – even though I’m going to say them anyway.

I don’t mean to be mean but...
I’m not trying to gossip but...
Not to talk about her but...
I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but...
I don’t mean to be rude but...

I wonder what would happen if I went to a co-worker and said “I’m trying to be mean when I say this, you look kinda bloated today.”

BOY SHAKIRA??

NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!

BOY SHAKIRA? BOY??? SHAKIRA?????


NO!

Square Pizza

It's been 25 years since I was in the 3rd Grade...but my favorite subject is still lunch.

Happy 2nd on the 4th!

Two years today. I just asked Ryan to summarize the last two years and he said "wicked awesome".

Yeah, wicked awesome.

Reason #1,112

Reason #1,112 Why I Love Ryan Illingworth:

He can turn this....


Into this!


Since we moved into Illingworth Manor we've been the ones with The Yard. No one in the nieghborhood would talk to us, no one would look us in the eye. As of last night we've officially met nine people on our street! And all it took was two full days of back-breaking work, one broken (rented) till, 12 bails of hay, 14 trips to Home Depot and a $158 water bill. People told us our water bill could potentially triple but thanks to the drought it is FIVE TIMES higher.

FIVE.
TIMES.

And now we need a new lawn mower.

Maybe I should take up a collection from our newly friendly neighbors.