Warning: Obvious Observations Ahead

This week 2008 has done an amazing job letting me know that I am in complete control.

Of.
Absolutely.
Nothing.

It's funny really. Right about the moment I think that things in life are starting to make sense, starting to flow, I'm sucker punched with NO! You know NOTHING! You control NADA! (Yes, 2008 is bilingual. So annoying.)

But honestly, the lack of control has little to do with the ultimate battle. It's really about the colorful displays of pure UGH currently being hurled in every direction, touching nearly everyone I know and care about. These past 92 days (and nights!) 2008 has dished out more than I care to take. Divorce. Cancer. Job loss. Financial struggle. Death. Fertility drama. Sickness. Betrayal. Depression. Through it all I've been reminded that you can never assume anything. Lately my friends have been a daily dose of pure wow - dealing with things that would split me in half. Some of them have faced their demons with an obvious false bravado, losing before the game even comes out of the box. Others have been plugging along - almost flying below the radar. But as each day passes their quiet strength becomes more and more evident. All of them impress me, no matter how they handle the pressure. They're despondent but full of hope. Careful while careless. Mature and impossibly childish. Totally broken and fiercely unbreakable - all at once.

The other day a friend (who's having a particularly heinous go of it lately) said to me, "I've prayed it all. I've said every prayer you can say, done everything I can do. I give up. God's going to do what God's going to do." I think a lot of us feel this way. It's hard to wait for rain when you're stranded in the desert. Hard to trust the future, to leave it in God's hands, when today feels like forever.

Bottom line is that no matter what we're all still here. And He's still here. Whether or not things get better. Knowing full well that they may not. Are we frazzled, yes. Tossed to and fro to the point of exhaustion, sure. Over it, absolutely. But we're still here. Seeing the daily struggles my friends are facing, and walking through it with them, has been nothing but encouraging to me. I've had the opportunity to see the many layers stripped away, public inhibitions abandoned, lifelong insecurities ignored, to see the real depth. And I'm learning that every single person has more to offer than you'd expect. And sometimes it's scary...sometimes pretty ugly....often times inspiring. But always...ALWAYS surprising.

And I love surprises.

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

Me and Ryan

Watching The Biggest Loser

On a giant flat screen

In Burger King

Eating onion rings

Why We Are Kindreds

"On the plane ride to Heaven there will be an endless loop of Lost episodes...and the headphones will be free!"
-Kelley Kirker

Thanks A Lot Oprah

Ok. Did you watch Oprah yesterday? DID YOU? I mean.......

.........................

......

Ummmmm.

All I can say it this.

It's official. Everyone, EVERYONE, is pregnant but me.

....but it's enough

Even though I'm probably the last person on earth I finally watched the fabulous Irish film Once. I'm pretty sure it made my heart seep out of my eyes and my ears. So much so that after the credits rolled I watched it again a second time making Ryan watch with me. Proof that there are good moments left for us all. That music does still have the power to transcend. That there's movement left in this empty heart of mine.

The Title of This Post is PBBBBBBTTTTTT

Ya'll, seriously.

I'm a little tired of the whole "I Hate 2008" campaign I have going on here. I've been working up the nerve to write a post about how things are on the up. I've lost 5.5 pounds (P.S. the hardest 5.5 pounds I've ever lost in my 33 years), I spent Saturday with some of the best women I know - women who knew me when and know me now and love me anyhow (is that a country song?), I got to adequately squeeze both of my cute cute cute nieces, Rob & Big, Tim Gunn getting weepy on The Biggest Loser, spring, reaching goals at work (and surpassing!) and maybe some other stuff. I even thought things might be changing...thought I might actually invite 2008 to movie night and see how things go.

But.

No.

No, no, no. And that's the thing with 2008. He's a crafty devil, smacking me upside the head with juicy badness at the exact moment I decide to let my guard down. Rendering me (and my blog) a lifeless heap.

2008, listen up. Quit playing games with my heart.

Or else.

A Willing Subject

Ryan has never been much of a tech guy and is generally far behind the trends that even soccer moms have moved on from using. Before me, he thought iPods were useless and Tivo was a brand of TV dinners. For the longest time Ryan has had the most ghetto cell phone ever. The only bell and whistle it possessed was the ability to make calls without a phone cord. No camera, no video, no color, etc.... I could care less but Ryan's lack of updated phone technology was a huge embarrassment for his hi-tech friends. Recently one of his friends upgraded and decided to give Ryan his "old" phone. A phone that's so "old" and "out of date" that all it does is take photos and videos and has a texting keyboard and ringtones galore and can probably do your taxes if asked nicely. Now everyday Ryan plays me a new ringtone he's downloaded or specialized text message alarm or voicemail beep. And the photos. Ya'll, the photos! The new cell phone has awakened Ryan's inner photographer. He can turn on the camera mode faster than you can scream DON'T TAKE MY PICTURE I HAVE A HUGE ZIT RIGHT NOW!

Lucky for me, I don't have to scream that. Because it isn't me he's so desperate to photograph....it's the one true love of his life.

The Plot Thickens

An IM conversation with Ryan this afternoon:

GlamJo: Look at this news story!! Link
GlamJo: ....just another reason to not go in the water
RyanIsAwesome: what the heck
RyanIsAwesome: so it jumped out of the water....and killed a person
GlamJo: yes, JUMPED OUT OF THE WATER
GlamJo: JUMPED.
GlamJo: OUT.
GlamJo: OF.
GlamJo: THE.
GlamJo: WATER.
RyanIsAwesome: if the sharks catch wind of this....
RyanIsAwesome: there will be no hope

But It Kinda Gave Me A Rash

Ryan and I got invited to a birthday party, or more accurately, a Birthday Moustache Bash. And this is what happened.



I have to say, the Stache Bash looks good on the Illingworths. Under-eye baggage. Red eyes. Oily skin. A skin color that doesn't occur in nature. Yes....I think this is the look we will now adopt for any and all future parties.

Also, making out with fake moustaches? Hot.

Rarrrrr.

Nice Try

OK 2008. I can see that you're trying to reach out. Trying to disguise yourself as an alright kinda guy. And I'll admit...it's been a good effort:

-Christian won Project Runway
-Ryan got a raise
-Lost has been better than ever
-Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii
-Success at work
-Super Target is finally open...and glorious

But listen, it's going to take more than that to win me over.