Junk in your Trunk

Have you ever noticed how we all tend to use our buts to ease our collective conscience about the things we say? Like a warning...Toot Toot! Here comes an insult! Here comes some gossip! Like somehow qualifying that we aren’t trying to say what we’re about to say makes it ok. I’m nicer if I tell you that I don’t want to say these things – even though I’m going to say them anyway.

I don’t mean to be mean but...
I’m not trying to gossip but...
Not to talk about her but...
I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but...
I don’t mean to be rude but...

I wonder what would happen if I went to a co-worker and said “I’m trying to be mean when I say this, you look kinda bloated today.”

BOY SHAKIRA??

NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!

BOY SHAKIRA? BOY??? SHAKIRA?????


NO!

Square Pizza

It's been 25 years since I was in the 3rd Grade...but my favorite subject is still lunch.

Happy 2nd on the 4th!

Two years today. I just asked Ryan to summarize the last two years and he said "wicked awesome".

Yeah, wicked awesome.

Reason #1,112

Reason #1,112 Why I Love Ryan Illingworth:

He can turn this....


Into this!


Since we moved into Illingworth Manor we've been the ones with The Yard. No one in the nieghborhood would talk to us, no one would look us in the eye. As of last night we've officially met nine people on our street! And all it took was two full days of back-breaking work, one broken (rented) till, 12 bails of hay, 14 trips to Home Depot and a $158 water bill. People told us our water bill could potentially triple but thanks to the drought it is FIVE TIMES higher.

FIVE.
TIMES.

And now we need a new lawn mower.

Maybe I should take up a collection from our newly friendly neighbors.

What's that smell?

I thought about telling you about how when I asked Ryan if TiVo and I were stranded on a rooftop and he could only save one of us which one would he choose, and he said he'd have to think about it. But you don't want to hear more TV talk. Then I thought about telling you that my brother's little girl is due any second! But lots of people hate hearing about other people's babies and how cute they will surely be, so I can't talk about that. I thought about telling you about my HELLISH day at work today but that's even more of the same song second verse. Little bit louder and a little bit worse. Of course there's the recent health drama/scare/situation I've been through but even I'M tired of hearing about that.

Instead I'll share this nice comment I received from my dear friend Anonymous.

"This blog is dying. A. Slow. Painful. Death.
Used to be my favorite. What's going on?"


So THAT'S what it is! My BLOG is dying! What a relief....all this time I thought my lack of words was due to despair or overwhelming stress or exhaustion or life. You know life, it ebbs and flows with its ups and downs. I thought maybe I was just traveling through one of the valleys. I was even ok with that...figured I would eventually make it out to the other side - the land of words and stories and funny observations. Lucky for me I don't have to worry anymore - it's just my boring, dying blog!

On the Rocks

Sometimes you just need to cry. You need to all out freak and cry and wig out. Cry so hard you gasp for air and embarrass yourself by saying something you meant to keep secret. So hard that people who witness it have no idea what to say.

Of course, then, the rest of the day, you feel like your eyeballs are filled with rocks.

Sometimes even the day after.

Do We Have More Of These?

You know the Target Lady from Saturday Night Live? And you know how she loves every item that comes through her line and has to have it immediately?
Wow, these are some smart kackis, she says.
Thanks, you say.
Do we have more of these? she says.
And if you say yes, she runs away to find the smart kackis in her size leaving you standing there dumbfounded. She's also thrilled when your debit card is approved. Man, that skit cracks me up every time.

So.

The following exact exchange just happened to me. At Target. In real life.

Wow, this is SO CUTE, she says.
Yeah I thought so too, I say
I mean it this is SO CUTE. Do we have more of these? she says.
No, I got the last one, I say.
The last one? she says.
Yes, I say.
Oh......................she says.
Yeah, I say.
..............................she says.
I'm getting it for a friend for her birthday, I say.
..............................she says.
..............................I say.
..............................she says.
Ring it up! I gotta get home and watch TIVO! I say.


And yes, my debit card was approved!

Reason #33: Birthday Edition

Reason #33 Why I Love Ryan Illingworth.

He wrapped my birthday presents in Christmas wrapping paper. And that is sooooooo Ryan.

(Note: My awesome co-workers got me TIVO for my birthday! TIVO! FOR ME!! Prepare yourselves........)

Everything's Coming Up

Oh.
No.

I take it all back. DO NOT watch The Starter Wife. It sucks like....like...well, like you probably thought it would. And you were right. I should have just stuck to HGTV. Next time, inner voice, I'll listen to you.

P.S. I do realize that this has slightly turned into a blog about TV. Here's the thing - lately my job is fairly overwhelming and stressful and a lot. At the end of the day the only thing I have energy for is the remote control. And in turn, the only thing I have the energy to type about is TV. Sorry.

P.S. Again. Also, the bigger-than-TV things that are going on in my life aren't quite ready to be aired to the masses. But soon my lovelies. Soon.

P.S. Yet Again. I'm growing roses.