I've Moved

It's time for a change so I've moved The Glamorous Life. There will still be plenty of pointless posts and millions of photos of Little Harry. Go Here Now! (www.glamorousjo.wordpress.com)

Look Who's 1 Month Old Today!

Four Years

Today is the Illingworth Four Year Wedding Anniversary. In lieu of some gagtastic love fest where I tell you all about how much I love Ryan and how these past four years have been better than I could have imagined, I'm going to give you an example of why I love this guy.



Ryan has filmed about 100 of these little videos of Harry and each one makes me love him more. He's determined to capture every tiny moment of Harry's new life - all those moments that no one in the world cares about but us. Seeing the way he loves or son has only reaffirmed why I married him. He's still my #1 guy, the one who makes me weak in the knees. And I can't wait for 40 more years!!

Not Only That, He's Cute Too

I've been meaning to write a post all about motherhood and how awesome Little Harry is and so forth and so on. And while extreme lack of sleep has certainly played a part in my wordlessness, it's mostly been because I'm so full up I just don't know what to say. And so, here is my stream of consciousness commentary on the last few weeks.

When you have your first baby at 34 (four days before turning 35), there are a few truths you can count on.
-All of your friends have had at least one baby, probably three
-People have assumed you are infertile, some even giving you the Bless Your Heart routine
-Yours will not be the first grandbaby
-You will have loved this baby for a long, long time

Lots of people talk about falling in love with their child the moment their eyes meet for the first time. It wasn't exactly that way for me. I've loved Little Harry for years. I've been waiting for him and hoping for him and loving him. Sure, I didn't have a face to my hope, didn't know his sex or his name, but I loved him just the same. These last few weeks of meeting him and getting to know him have just felt like a "yeah" moment. A comfortable fit. I had that same feeling when I met Ryan. It wasn't so much lovey-dovey rapture as it was "yeah, you and me, this is it".

Being Harry's mom feels natural. Feels right.

Some of my friends have said things like "are you so happy to finally be a mom?" and "is it everything you had hoped it would be?" I don't really know how to respond. Don't know how to articulate what I'm experiencing. Being Harry's mom is not a new experience or feeling - it's like coming home.

He's mine and I'm his and now we're finally together.

He Believes He Can Fly, He Believes He Can Touch The Sky

I realize all new parents think their baby is superior to every other baby...but...can those parents say that their baby is Super? BECAUSE WE CAN.



Harry can poop his pants mere seconds after getting a clean diaper. He can drink milk, burp and make loud grunting noises while sleeping. He can grasp your finger in a single bound.





He's our Super Baby!!

Parenting Skills

We asked Harry what he thinks about our parenting skills so far, and this was his response:

Why We Became Parents

What good is a video camera if you can't share your kid's gas with the world I say.

Also, Harry, I'm sorry.

Sort of.

Gamers

I take a nap and wake up to find my two boys playing Nintendo. I knew this day would come, I just didn't think it would be when Harry was five days old.

So....The Birth

A c-section was never part of our birth plan. As of last Friday, it became the only plan. The specialist consulted with my OB and my OB consulted with the specialist and they both consulted with us on a variety of levels. There were meetings and phone calls and words like "paralysis" for Harry if we tried to deliver and concern about his large size and so on and so forth. It's a lot to go into as to all the reasons why but ultimately we decided a c-section was the best choice for the baby while not our first choice.

Friday morning we arrived at the hospital at 5:30am, neither of us having slept much at all. Both of us feeling good with an underlying current of fear/nerves/nausea. I kept telling Ryan (so that I could hear the words out loud), "It's going to be ok. I'll get an IV, then they will put in the epidural, then we'll have a baby!"

So easy right?

At around 8:00am the nurse came in to put in my IV. After two rather painful sticks, she called in another nurse to try. After two MORE painful sticks, and a blown vein, they called in the anesthesiologist who finally got it in. I told the nurses I had only signed up for one IV....not five....through my now flowing tears. I had been so together and so brave until the fourth stick. After that, the floodgate of nerves and worry for myself and my baby busted wide open. Still reeling from the painful sticks and newly raw emotion I was prepped for the epidural. I was hunched over as the nurse held on to me and tried to assure my hysteria that everything was going to be ok. And it was! I barely felt the epidural and suddenly felt an assuring calm.

Which was good because they immediately wheeled me into the freezing, sterile, bright as the sun OR. I laid there helplessly exposed while eight or more people buzzed around me discussing the events of the day, various operating instruments, hospital gossip. A nurse wrapped warm towels around my arms and ankles while the anesthesiologist started to pinch me. It went something like this:

-Do you feel this?
-Yes.
-How about this?
-Yes.
-And this?
-Yes.
-Are you sure?
-Yes.

I hear some mumbling behind me, words like "any minute" and "soon" and "we'll try again but I'm sure it's working". All the while the anesthesiologist was putting more and more medicine in my back. Moments later while everyone is waiting, both my friends and family and all the OR staff, they try again. It goes something like this.

-Do you feel this?
-Yes.
-How about this?
-Yes.
-Are you sure?
-Yes.
-Really?
-Yes.
-.........Are you sure?
-YES.

More mumbling. Growing concern. Then they put the sheet in front of me and called Ryan and got ready to start. My heart started to pound wondering if they had heard me correctly when I said YES I CAN FEEL THAT. With the sheet up in front of my face, I couldn't see who or what was happening but suddenly felt something sharp and not ok. I shouted I CAN FEEL SOMETHING SHARP. Suddenly everyone froze and someone behind the sheet said "we're going to need to do another epidural."

And so it was. Three nurses worked to sit me up on the operating table while I assumed the hunched over position with legs I couldn't feel, an abdomen I COULD feel and a growing fear. Once the first epidural was removed and the second one was in place the whole scenario started again.

-Do you feel this?
-Yes.
-How about this?
-Yes.
-Ok. (long awkward concerned pause) How about this?
-YES. I CAN FEEL THAT.
-...............

After some moments of hushed conversation over my head, the sheet went back up, Ryan was invited back in and everyone got ready for the big show. Suddenly I yelled I CAN FEEL SOMETHING SHARP. SOMETHING SHARP.

At that point a second anesthesiologist was called in and more discussion was had while I laid naked and afraid in a room full of irritated people. I was propped up once more and given a spinal - moments later I felt like someone was standing on top of my rib cage and then I heard the best sound I've ever heard in my life...my son's cry.

He was here. He was breathing. He was HERE.

Illingworth Manor Plus One

It's my birthday today. I'm 35 and I got the greatest birthday present ever.



















There's so much to say that I cannot find the words or the energy as this little guy loves to party all night. The birth is another story for another day (read: dramatic) but Harry is simply amazing. He's the best thing that's ever happened to us and we are instantly in love. So here's to the greatest birthday I've ever had!